Reflectionfly
I’d been wondering who I’d have to sleep with to get some time to myself lately to sit down and blog about the happenings of the last couple weeks. Honestly, though, if sleeping with people was what it took to get some peace of mind from all the crap going on in my real life lately, the list would be pretty long–the CEO of Starbucks, various officials at Greyhound, the president of Champlain College, among others. Given half of those are probably twice my age, that’s probably not happening in any literal or metaphorical stretch of the imagination. I mean, aside from the fact that “sex for peace” really doesn’t work as is…
Anyway.
On Monday, October 5th, I finally had my Independent Study panel for Lanternfly. Given this was actually supposed to take place back in the last week of April, and then May, and then August–we were all sighing a massive “finally” about getting it over with. The panel convened over 114 pages (50,000 words roughly) of the 700 page (170,000) manuscript, which I had to select based on plot relevance. It was an interesting process, actually–especially since I have a tendency to over-write, and I hadn’t actually gotten around to editing anything. Rumor has it my screams of anguish are still ricocheting off the walls in Starbucks.
After much deliberation, printing shit, and twiddling my thumbs until my fingerprints wore off to the point where I needed skin grafts, the day finally came. Unfortunately, it also came on one of those off days where I’d been working since 7 in the morning, and had pulled in all-nighter the night before, leaving me to stagger into the panel over-caffeinated, mentally shot and smelling like an espresso bar. Fortunately it wasn’t as horrifying an experience as I’d thought. My good friend Will Ryan was there, as well as Erik, along with Tim Brookes, the head of the Professional Writing program. Over the course of an hour, we made short work of the manuscript, as I talked about the concepts, what I’d learned about my process and the like.
First and foremost, I have learned it is completely impossible for me to draft work on a deadline. I thought I could waltz in and write and come out with relatively decent material at the other end–yeah, wrong. Quantity of pages a week? Yeah, bad idea. Oh yeah, and minimalized concepualization and not editing a bit during the process to make sure I’m standing on a good foundation plot-wise? Epic fail. So I think it’s suffice to say pages-a-day are leaving my process–which isn’t really a new idea to me (I’d been skeptical about that since March). Other than that, the rest of the stuff was also stuff I’d figured out over the course of the study–don’t take three pages to walk ten feet, and so on.
By the end of the panel, I had a pretty clear picture of what my road forward with Lanternfly would be. Without a doubt, it was the most helpful hour of my college career. I’m pretty happy with the grade on it–even though I firmly believe even if I’d failed, it still would have been a successful course–and even though I pretty much have to start Lanternfly from scratch, I’m more excited than ever about the story and the way forward. A little weird, maybe, but I consider it an excuse to do a better job. =)
Ultimately, the panel was the perfect crossroad for something I’ve been considering for a while. More and more lately I’m beginning to realize being online has been more of a hindrance than help to my writing–and where I’ve been considering online publication for a while, I think it would be a health-hazard at this point to subject myself (and my work) to something like that. Perhaps its the age of the people I’ve been spending my time around–and don’t get me wrong, there are some great writers scattered in all these ones and zeroes–or maybe it’s mechanical and wholly uninspired nature of the online writing communities out there. Regardless, I’m realizing I get absolutely no joy from talking about the shit I write. Actually, 90% of the time, I feel like I’m bastardizing my process and the work itself. I understand there are people out there who are interested in my work, or–God knows why–respect me for what I do, or how I do it. Believe me, I thank everyone who’s ever given my shit, this blog, or any of my sites a glance from the bottom of my heart. Writing has never been about publishing for me, but being a storyteller, and I think it’s now time to listen to that part of myself and take a step back for a bit.
I’m going to keep working on Lanternfly, and eventually, I’m going to publish it. I think for now, the thought’s going to go towards writing and making a way for myself.
Thanks for reading everyone, and I’ll see you around now and again. =)