What I’ve Scene
The temptation of understanding the creative process for me is similar to the medieval idea of immortality through alchemy. There are times where it drives me absolutely nuts not being able to have full control over things like my style, or how my ideas and the sentences that flow in my head don’t transfer onto paper the way I want. The latter is the worst part, because I tend to have a pretty narrowed down vision for the feel of my stuff. There are areas in Lanternfly where I strive to set a certain atmosphere, and lately I’ve been working on trying to kneed out one. Maybe it’s less like alchemy and more like emotional serendipity–because I can’t find the emotion I want–the one I started writing the book with.
Point is, a lot of my stuff has felt really forced lately. This happens to me every so often. The trick is usually settling into some kind of groove of understanding what I’m writing and where it’s going. After exploring some of my IS2009 material, I’m realizing that the writing is about 45% of how I want it. Usually my margin for salvaging when editing is 30%, so I can keep most of the crap in there. Maybe that’s what’s holding me back. All I know is that I’m approaching my writing with too many “shoulds,” and it’s starting to hold me back.
In other news, I finally did what I’ve been hemming and hawing at all summer–sitting down and doing a scene plan of what I have and what I need. What’s liberating about that is I now have a map of the book I can look at and mess around with, add to if I need, take away if I don’t. Maybe this will be a savior in getting the book to finally flow the way I want–so I’ll have all the plot material squared away so I can just write with it consideration without going, “this is poorly paced” or “this wasn’t something I wanted to write.” Yeah, shit.
Just a bitching rant right now, I guess. I’m actually reading Fountainhead by Ayn Rand at the moment. Marina gave me the book a few years ago, and I’m just getting around to reading it. I’m almost done, but the book was a challenge. The damn thing is about a third longer than anything else I’ve read, and pretty dense. But the way the plot flows and how naturally inspired me. I can see how a lot of people would sneer at some elements, and some that I can’t. I’ll finish it and see what I think. Then I’ve got Atlas Shrugged to read sometime after. Woo…
Thanks for reading.